“And how is his spirit?” I asked.
“Oh…” Silence.
Tears began seeping from her eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s been really difficult lately between us.”
She found herself in my office with a straight-forward agenda: An investment account and her spouse’s diagnosis. The prognosis is that it would progressively get worse, likely ending in nursing home care. She came in with a set of facts and a goal of making money last long enough.
So as I asked about his spirit – she revealed that the burden of care has become great and she is feeling like she can’t keep up. This leads to incredibly difficult interactions between the couple.
“I’m sorry. I’m getting emotional and this has nothing to do with what we are discussing.”
“Actually, this has everything to do with the matter at hand” I say.
In the decade that I now have worked in financial services, I have learned that it’s not just a profession—it is a calling.
At nearly every meeting I hold with my clients, there is some point in the meeting where someone says, “I’m talking too much”, “You have a job to do and I’m just over here yapping”, or “That’s enough about my family. Let’s talk about what you need to talk about.” It’s a mistaken notion that the “important” part of my meetings is a statistics lesson: where I show some charts, recite numbers, spew some alpha, beta, r squared, or capture ratios –while tap-dancing.
As a professional CFP®, I had better know what I’m doing, of course. But our industry tends to get things completely upside down. We trumpet our knowledge without fulfilling our calling to become a confidant to our clients.
It is much easier (and let’s be real here, much safer) to showcase our expertise rather than to intimately understand our clients. However, an advisor must show companionship and care. All too often our industry attempts to dazzle clients with our statistical knowledge rather than getting close.
Your life changes rapidly. So, the diminishing relationship with your spouse, the tiredness you feel at your job, the grandchild that is on the way – these are the conversational cues that I take to help shape your financial plan.
Is our time together better served talking about stock market movement or exploring several “what-if” scenarios if your spouse decides to leave or you become widowed?
Is our time together better spent discussing the 1, 3, and 5 year returns of an investment or would you rather talk about the two major financial linchpins I see playing out with people who retire early at age 60?
Would you rather I pitch you an investment product or would you be better served if I take time to show you the way your income will lay out in retirement based on the investments you have in place?
Without the context of life, the investments only scratch the surface of financial needs.
Find an advisor that draws out what’s happening in your day-to-day – the good, the difficult, and, most importantly, the terrifying. That is a financial planner that can align your money with your life. That is someone who will help you cultivate confidence with your finances.
When was the last time you divulged something that terrifies you with your financial planner?
Try it at your next meeting. Or if that seems unapproachable with your planner, maybe it’s time to interview someone new.
